


Samsara

by orinoxvaldan



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bakery and Coffee Shop, F/F, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:43:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orinoxvaldan/pseuds/orinoxvaldan
Summary: They say that the last thing you remember will be the most powerful memory you carry with you into your next life. As a young man named Luke who prefers to be called Noctis tries to find those he lost in another life, he is haunted by dreams of a crystal that threatens to devour him, and a man who promised to wait for him-- but to what end? With his sister's support, he searches for the mysterious enigma in hopes of understanding what happened to all of them.





	1. Coalescence

**Author's Note:**

> The concept for this fanfiction is near and dear to my heart. I hope that it will capture the imagination of others as well. It's going to be multi-chapter and hopefully contain some good twists and turns. It's meant to have a very different tone from my one shots. Thanks for reading!

The afternoon was wearing long, and the once pleasant smell of coffee had long been lost to the barista behind the counter. His mop of dark hair was pinned back in the front, his brown uniform apron mostly tidy save for a few smears from this or that; a little milk here, whipped cream on a corner-- dark stains from espresso. 

It had been a slow afternoon, and he was obviously getting worn down as the end of his shift crept closer. With a towel in his hand as he scrubbed at the steam wand, he leaned over at the sound of the door being pushed open-- a familiar flaxen-haired man about his age trotting in and bringing his unmistakable energy with him. 

"How's it goin', Noctis?" He rolled his shoulder and raised a hand in greeting. 

"Typical afternoon so... fine." Angelo was a guy he'd met in his last year of college who often came in while studying. He was older than him, but had taken a break from school to save up funds before he enrolled. Now, he came in to study coursework while his friend worked-- though honestly not a lot of studying ever seemed to get done. 

It wasn't very often that Noctis heard himself called anything other than his preferred name now, which was an incredible relief. He only seemed to be called "Luke" at home and on official documents now even though people often questioned the very strange name he introduced himself with. He told most people it was just the name he used on the internet, and it had stuck-- not the truth: that he had been calling himself that since he was a child. 

Every now and then, he met someone who sparked a memory in him. He kept them, like Angelo here-- as close as he could. 

Noctis smiled when he settled onto a bar stool at the front of the cafe and ordered his usual latte. He had trusted the other man immediately, though he'd managed to get him into a couple of tight spots. He was predictably unreliable and Noctis found it oddly charming. More than once, Angelo had asked him to do something for him at great expense. It was perhaps, a lucky thing that he always came through. 

"I'm almost done with this damned degree, y'know. Dad's wanted me to go for graduate school but-- I say, what's the real point when it comes to journalism? The only thing worth any salt is **experience**. I'm not gonna get that sittin' in a lecture hall." Noctis nodded along, listening before the started the steam wand and went about heating and pulling the milk while the espresso ran in a steady stream into the paper cup he'd placed under the spigots. 

"What happened to that whole... jewelry thing though? I thought you were getting a gig doing that?" He asked, voice raised above the noise before he moved to finish the drink. 

"What, that? Ah, c'mon Noct s'just a hobby. Dad'd be pissed if I wasted my degree." 

"Waste it? I mean, it's not like you're never gonna write just 'cause you wanna make things for a while. You should do it." He slid the cup over to his friend and leaned against the counter as he returned to his station and cleaned up, all an automatic set of movements now. The generic soft jazz over the speakers had almost been forgotten now. In the city, Noctis felt as though everything blended into everything else, even the days. 

"I dunno man, you sure you're not just bein' nostalgic? We met 'cause of pretty rocks yeah?" Angelo teased as he dropped a few bills and change on the counter so Noctis could ring him up. 

"You should appreciate geodes more. They can make nice jewelry too," Noctis said with a hint of amusement in his tone. 

"Yeah, nice and _gaudy_." They both laughed at that, and Noctis returned Angelo's change before he leaned over the counter, watching him. 

"You also couldn't get my damn name right to save your life. Guess I looked like a "Dino" to you. Not all Italian's are the same my friend," He jabbed. 

"Alright, alright Yeah-- I've never been great with names." He rolled his eyes. It was true, he'd forgotten Angelo's name multiple times, or more accurately just remembered it incorrectly. He was lucky he didn't give him more shit about it. 

"Ah, back on the subject of pretty rocks--"

"Oh here we go. Let me guess, you wanna know if I've snagged any new ones you might wanna cut up right?" 

"Man, you know me so well." 

\-------------------------------------

After work, he walked Angelo to his station and headed off to the employee lot that was honestly-- almost as far. Most people used public transport but Noctis stubbornly kept his dad's old car. It was getting a bit well-worn, a bit tired. It was at least twenty years old now but something in him made him refuse to give it up. His memories of the now mixed in with something distant and far away, and together they made cement. The car was unremarkable. A black sedan that any middle class man might've been able to afford before the economic collapse a few years back. It was what it was, but it had become a thing of comfort for him. 

The drive home was quiet and uneventful, though the traffic made it take twice as long as it should have been-- that was just how cities were. His phone rang twice, one a call from one of his best friends and the other from his mother. They could wait until he was out of traffic-- 

The apartment building was quaint in the way that people might like to romanticize the gritty existence of city dwellers. Paying inflated rent for limited space with limited access to anything seem to be what was considered chic these days, but Noctis did it because he needed his own space. He couldn't think without it, and sometimes being home since losing his dad was just too painful. Too many memories, from more than one lifetime overlapping and crushing him. 

He fished his keys out of his black slacks and opened the door, trotting toward the stairs to ignore the sideways glances from people in the hall. 

Noctis checked the messages left on his way up the stairs to his apartment. Hayden's lilting accent was concise and to the point: Their weekly get together was being postponed by two hours, even though everyone always showed up whenever the hell they wanted to anyway. Noctis snorted to himself as he dropped his keys on the table and kicked his shoes off haphazardly in the entryway. 

The moment the door clicked shut behind him, the sound of paws on linoleum made his face light up as his mother's message played on speaker to tell him that his sister was home for the weekend. 

In the meantime, he welcomed Shadow into his arms and scratched his ears while he muttered a few little praises for him and then headed for the second hand couch that he spent most of his evenings sprawled across. 

Curled tail flopping back and forth more than it wagged, Shadow joined him and pressed against his owner's leg for attention. He was no longer a puppy, but still full of a terrible lot of energy that made his dark eyes sparkle. Noctis had always thought of him as less of a dog and more of a constant companion; like a magical familiar. Through his darkest moments, Shadow had been there to offer comfort in ways that Noctis was not terribly good at receiving from other humans. 

"Wanna go for a ride?" He offered after a few moments, firing a text message off to his sister in immediate response to his mother's voicemail. 

\--> Hey, you didn't tell me you were driving up. What gives lady???

Yeah, I'll be there.  
\--> See U then, MoonMoon.

He drifted from the couch into the dim lighting of his bedroom with his phone in his hand and dog on his heels. He was surrounded by dark blues and black. When he was younger, Selena would tease him about how he gravitated to the most traditionally masculine colors, but really he just found that they made him feel at home. 

Home-- what was that to him, anyway? 

Noctis found himself lost for a moment in the stack of papers on his desk. Ever since he'd graduated, the old habits of piles of sketches and scribbled notes had taken over again. There was a profile in the corner of one page; a man with wavy hair and a charming smile-- strong nose. Next to it, a few sketches of a heavy ring and a crown that looked more like it was an animal's horn. Maybe it was, he wasn't sure. It kept haunting him though, and so like everything else that did, he drew it. 

Flipping through a few more pages his eyes graced a city skyline, the phrase "Walk tall" written next to "I will await you in the beyond." 

They were the clearest memories he had, two very different ones that converged and coalesced into the person he was now. His father, and the father of the person he had once been-- and the one focus he had: the one man he had to find. 

Noctis had believed in impossible things since he was old enough to remember. His earliest truth had been to tell people that all humans had been 'grown ups' before and would tell stories of what he'd done last time he was grown up. He was of course mostly painted with having an overactive imagination but his sister, Selena, believed him. 

His dusky blue eyes fell on the bookshelf in the corner, the top and first shelf was jam packed with various specimens of every kind of semi-precious stone you could imagine; though it was obvious he favored geodes. Amethyst and Celestine specifically. Noctis lingered for a few moments before stopping to pick up a couple of favorites and jammed them into his pockets: Chosen by the Crystal, his mind had told him for most of his life. He didn't know what it meant, but he couldn't stay away from the things. 

He grabbed Shadow's leash and harness and buckled him in before heading back out, a few things stuffed in a bag to keep him busy: laptop, handheld console, notebooks. Many new things that he wanted to show Selena, who was one of the only people who believed him without a doubt. 

Back in the car, he plugged in his MP3 player as Shadow curled up happily in the front seat, pointed ears peaking over the dashboard as he panted and watched the city move by. 

By the time they reached the suburban area that he had grown up in, Shadow had curled up and rested his head on his coffee colored paws, lulled by the swaying and the ambient music. Noctis never had to worry about him in the car-- he was a good traveler.

The colors of autumn hadn't quite set in yet, but it was definitely in the air. The cicadas were loud, pulsing the dying song of the humid summer as another year fell away. Noctis had always had an awful sense of time, but since his father's passing earlier that year he'd seemed to be almost hyper aware of it. He'd been a child often chastised for his lack of empathy when it came to death and illness. 

Again he found himself thinking of his cosmic plight-- how he had never feared death for he knew what happened after. He remembered. 

Once he was sure he had a good grip on Shadow's leash, he opened the car door and swung his bag over his shoulder before making his way up the walk to his childhood home. His mother was already out on the porch and got up to greet him. 

"It's good to see you, Luke! How is the barista thing going?" She hugged him, and he tried his best not to cringe at the name. 

"Pretty good. I know, I know-- I should be looking for something in my field. But for now I actually really enjoy this job." She gave a wry smile, seeing as Noctis had all but taken the words from her mouth. 

"Selena's already pigging out inside. Come on." 

He followed his mother, eyes on the back of her head and the slightly graying bob that framed her face. He'd loved her dark hair when he was younger, insisted she was a queen. They'd humored him back then with all of his impossible talk of princes and kingdoms and magic crystals. 

Shadow bounded up to Selena the moment she came into view, standing on his back paws as he snuffled at her as that tightly curled tail of his flopping back and forth. Noctis made his way up to her, shifting his weight a bit awkwardly. They'd known each other their entire lives, but she carried a willowy, otherworldly grace and from time to time he honestly felt terribly out classed in her presence. Their blue eyes reflected each other, though hers were lighter. 

She smiled and joy lit up her features in recognition before pale hair was pushed up and over her shoulder. Their choices of expression were rather as opposite as their hair colors, her favor of white and light blues a stark contrast to her little brother's black and gold. 

"It's good to see you." It was almost rhetorical. Of course-- they were the best of friends and had always been. 

There was always a lot to say, and his eyes rested on the little amethyst necklace she wore. He'd had Angelo make it for him out of one of his favorite pieces-- a charm to keep her safe and happy, he hoped. 

As his mother had said, there was in fact food already out-- and he helped himself to a few of the familiar finger foods while they talked. Her, mostly about med school and how little she was able to sleep-- and how it was thanks to dad's inheritance that she wasn't having to work two jobs at the same time. 

Noctis was ever the under-achiever. He'd taken a degree in linguistics and conservation which amounted to well... not much of anything, he knew. He spent his weekends writing and fishing and really going nowhere terribly interesting. Nowhere but his own personal mission. 

They talked with their mother for several hours, tossing a toy around for Shadow and laughing-- all fondness, all memories, though something always made Noctis walk away feeling hollow. There was something missing. Someones. Titles. Meaning. They would swirl in his mind until the disconnection he felt from the present was all he _could_ feel. 

He eventually disengaged and trailed to his childhood bedroom, and Selena followed him. Shadow curled up at the foot of the bed, and Noctis looked around at yellowed paper--drawings of places and people who had never existed. 

Selena sat at on the edge of the bed as they pulled out their laptops and began extracting the contents of their overnight bags. The moment always came that they found a quiet moment to share information-- to share what they'd learned while away from each other. 

"I've read so much metaphysical gobbledy-gook that my head's spinning," She said-- voice lowered. 

It wasn't that their mother wasn't interested in what they were and how they felt; but Noctis' obsessions had caused her a great deal of stress when he was younger, and the siblings took to their search in secret to keep from making further waves. There was something oddly natural in being sneaky about their interactions, and they'd always been good at it. 

"I know. I've spent so many hours in the literal asshole of the internet and there's only one conclusion I've come to." She nodded and spoke as though to finish his thought. 

"Everyone thinks their version of the rebirth cycle is the correct and truest. There's no room in these different schools of thought for anything else but their own." She sighed and pulled a library book from her bag that had several markers sticking out of it. 

"Yeah... every time I think I find some sorta belief system that kind of fits...? It comes with some bloated ideology that doesn't." He said, running a hand back through his hair as he pulled up some of the sites he'd bookmarked. 

"You know I believe you, Noct. I remember too, even if they tell me it's just because you told me stories when we were kids." She reached over and rested her hand on his forearm, giving a soft squeeze. "We were meant to be born as siblings because we wanted to be together in this life." She continued with that tantamount surety she always carried. 

He envied how she carried herself with such grace, but she _always_ did. 

"I wish I could remember more of you when you were Luna, but there's so much that's just blank." He shook his head and frowned, but she was smiling again, lightly freckled cheeks round-- jovial. He thought again that he wanted to see her be happy no matter what; that he was so lucky to have lived beside her their entire lives. 

"I'm still Luna. Just like you're still Noctis. We're just different. A little." She offered up, a playful lilt in her voice. 

"Yeah, I know. But isn't there tons of stuff you wanna know?" He asked as he leaned against the wall next to the window and scratched Shadow's head. 

"Of course. It's a conversation we've had a hundred times. The King and the Oracle... Impossible magic. I believe we are from the same star, Noctis. Only... this time we have been blessed rather than cursed. And maybe... maybe it's better not knowing some things. It'd be impossible to have all of those memories at once, right? Maybe." He took a deep breath as she spoke and nodded slowly. 

If there was anything else that he knew from that lifetime it was the depth to which it had taught his soul suffering. It was imprinted in every recollection, and even now he expected to lose everything at any turn. He remembered the crushing pain of losing Luna as Noctis and how they had been robbed of time; _time_ \-- something that was so hard for him to understand. 

"Tell me about him again. About the man who you're always looking for, Noct." She said softly, settling against Shadow's side as she watched her brother with tired eyes. 

"He's tall, and got wild eyes full of fire. Hair that matches honestly. Sometimes I'm terrified of him, but mostly I feel like... like I wanted to help him somehow. I want to find him-- It's the most vivid memory I have, him telling me that he'd wait for me." 

"I think I know his name." Selena said softly as she pursed her lips and frowned. "I remember trying to help him, too. I... think it was _Ardyn_." 

They continued on to share a few small leads on forums and in books, talking about how string theory and the idea of the multiverse were the only systems that allowed them to make any sense at all. At some point, Noctis dozed off and woke up with both sister and dog missing. It took him a bit to get around, knowing that Shadow was with Selena as always. He reminisced as he wandered through his bedroom, dried flowers glued to paper hung in several places via thumb tack-- and the light smell of dust in a room gone unused for the most part had him feeling restless. 

Noctis padded out of his room over the hardwood floors, hands jammed into the pocket of his dark navy cropped pants before he headed out onto the back deck. 

Shadow was the first thing he saw, digging in one of Selena's flowerbeds. She was close by, making up for lost time-- their mother never had been much of a gardener, but all of her foxglove and bluebells were doing well enough. 

"Hey," He trotted down to her and jerked his head back towards the house. "You've obviously been awake like... way longer than me sooo. You wanna go grab a coffee?" He suggested. 

She lit up again and put a hand on her hip as she brushed off her sundress. 

"Yeah? Your place, right? God, Hayden's made you so picky about your coffee." She teased. "But yeah, why not? Something got you restless?"

"Always." His fingers brushed against the roughness of one of his geodes in his pockets. Noctis had ended up amassing quite the odd pile of them, searching for something that reminded him of the crystal that haunted his dreams. Somehow, the nature of a geode had always reminded him of a gaping maw full of jagged teeth. He couldn't explain why he was, in turn, drawn to them. 

Shadow followed them back into the house and Selena trotted down the hall to tell their mother they were going out for a bit so she could keep an eye on the dog. He whined at the prospect of being left behind by his owners but was swiftly swayed by treats-- enough to let the siblings escape through the front door. 

Noctis led the way, smoothing wrinkles out of his T-shirt as he walked down to the street and crossed to where he'd parked. Selena hesitated a bit as she approached the car, a fond but sad smile on her face. 

"Been a while since you've seen the old girl, huh?" Noctis asked. She laughed it off and didn't let him open the door for her. 

\----------------------------

Selena sat next to him on the bench in front of the cafe Remedy, each with a favorite drink in hand as they talked about how grad school was treating her. Noctis didn't mind it-- he sometimes felt a little bit left behind. He was constantly filled with the ache of inaction; feeling as though he were meant for something even though he was doing nothing at all. 

He was distracted by his hands, for a rare moment paying attention only to the world in front of him as he enjoyed his sister's company. She was one of the only people he could be truly open with and-- he nearly jumped out of his skin when she suddenly grabbed his arm. 

" _Noct._ " 

Her voice carried a quality that he'd never known it to; a tremulous mix of wonder and terror that nearly instantly tossed him back to a world somewhere far away. 

Instinctively, he jerked his head up and followed her gaze until it fell on the unmistakable presence she had found in the crowd of people. The man was head and shoulders taller than nearly everyone else passing by, and he wore a long coat that seemed to be a bit too warm for the weather even if autumn was on their doorstep-- especially with the combination of an orange scarf. 

Most striking at least to Noctis, was the sight of his hair-- iridescent auburn that seemed to shift and move with him, framing a strong jaw and olive skin. 

Before he could think, he was on his feet running through the crowd. The stranger seemed to be meandering without any real purpose, that is until he laid eyes on Noctis as he fought the flow of people. Full lips parted slightly and color drained from his face. Confusion dawned on Noctis' own expression as he reached him and stood trying to catch his breath. The look on the man's face was recognition yes, but one wrought in fear. 

He backed away sharply to put distance between himself and Noctis, hand on his chest as though reaching for an old wound. And in that moment Noctis remembered driving a blade through his chest-- watching him fall. 

_God, what had he done?_

"Wait--" As the man turned to try to get away from him, Noctis did the only thing he could think and reached out-- shoved the geode he'd been carrying into the stranger's palm. 

The man froze and looked at it as though it were a snake. His hazel gold eyes locked Noctis into their gaze for several moments frozen in time, but he did not speak. 

"I-- Please. I know you. I know I do. I work over there at Remedy. Can we like. Talk?" He stumbled over his words, face red as he desperately tried to find his way into anything that made sense. 

Finally, his sister had caught up to him-- and her appearance seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. The man pulled away and darted into the crowd, leaving them standing dumbstruck and in disbelief. 

"It was him. I know it was." He'd never had someone he had recognized from that other life bolt on him like that before, and Noctis couldn't remember feeling more crushed. People were starting to stare, and Selena graciously pulled him aside. 

After looking for so long, the thought of losing him in a crowd and never getting a _chance_ was too much to bear. 

Selena drove them back to pick up Shadow and then took Noctis back to his apartment as his head spun, unable to focus on the waking world at all.


	2. The Stone of Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis meets one of his sister's friends, and is given a grave warning. The stone he dropped into the hand of a stranger begins to work its magic, and a thread pulled tight brings the two ends together into a knot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite crystal is Kyanite, the stone of connection. It reminds me of Noctis' eyes-- always shifting between blue and grey.

Noctis hadn't expected that he'd react so strongly to everything that had happened. He had finally caught a glimpse of the person he'd been searching for through most of his life, only to have them turn and run without a chance to talk to them properly. He had seen a fuzzy memory, dark around the edges of himself driving some impossible fantasy sword directly through said man's chest and now wondered if he shouldn't be second guessing his search altogether. 

Two and a half weeks had gone by, and he'd managed to return to some semblance of normal, though the dreams were more vivid than ever; always dark, always hard to understand. Noctis led a simple life, or one that he tried to keep that way. The people in his life felt terribly transient—always coming and going. No one but his Luna was a constant of any sort, at least not in his mind. He was good at feeling isolated even when he was surrounded by people, and he had more friends than most. 

Work had been the same daily grind, the same flux of people in and out to the rhythm of the bell on the door. Noctis had managed to find some nicely polished Kyanite for Angelo though, and slipping the box to him over the counter had felt oddly like some back-alley drug deal. He'd been thrilled about it though, and the light in his eyes reminded Noctis to remind him not to give up on his hobby. Again. 

Three weeks had passed, and Noctis was entertaining Luna at the counter, sneaking her extra chocolate topping for her mocha while they talked between customers. She was also of course, doing her reading for an anatomy class, and looking positively the part of dutifully busy grad student with her smart jacket and broom skirt. That was the way it had always been since they were kids; Selena dutiful and focused and Luke a mess of finger paint and lazy afternoons with video games. 

A girl came in and ordered a frappe, and Noctis put on his customer service face, smiling and setting to his task. 

"You look familiar. I think I saw you in my dreams." The pickup line might've been nothing to someone else, but to Noctis it gave him a bit of pause. Maybe she _had_ seen him in a dream. He saw people and faces all of the time. He gave her a knowing look, cool eyes frozen for a moment as it dawned on him that she was probably just trying to be clever. 

"Yeah? Must be why I'm such a damn insomniac. They say if you're there in someone else's dream you'll be unable to sleep wherever you are." It was meant to be funny but came out morbid and a bit drab, as did most of his humor. 

He caught Luna from the corner of his eye trying not to burst into laughter as the girl paid and took her drink, a bit mystified. Heels clicked against tile as she left and Noctis leaned heavily on the counter, a bit crestfallen. 

"Noct, you're just... **so**..." He watched as his sister put her pen down and hid behind the rim of her cup. "Charming. Don't worry, it takes a certain kind of eccentricity to understand your charms like..." 

The door swung open again just as she went to finish, and two familiar men entered, arm-in-arm. She grinned, and said, "Hayden. Like _Hayden._ " 

" _Hello_!" His familiar accent cut through the generic smooth jazz—that atmosphere that hung around any joint of similar standing. The man that was with him towered over everyone else, and Noctis almost immediately recognized him as an old family friend. 

Brows lifted until they were hidden in his dark fringe. It had only been a matter of time until they buried the hatchet and—well, it looked good on them. They were glowing. Noctis felt a pang of jealousy, left over from childhood crushes but he wouldn't hold that against them. He knew jealousy intimately and did battle with it often, as he was slow to he punch and even slower to the uptake. He was a loner for the most part and had only dated in short stints. He was partly glad he'd never acted on his feelings for Hayden if only because he couldn't bear to lose his presence in his life and that was usually how that ended up for him: Messy. 

"Well, look at you two. You want your usual?" He asked, gaze flicking across familiar faces that were echoes to him. They were familiar twice over. 

"Hey, you keepin' up on everything your dad asked you to?" Came the lower, more gruff voice that belonged to Zeke. He hadn't seen him in a while—he'd been out travelling around last he'd heard. 

"Yeah, car's in perfect shape and so am I. Ugh—Don't say it, I'm just naturally kinda scrawny." He said before allowing the likely scolding he might get. 

That got him a peel of laughter, and Hayden leaned on the counter as he was brashly patted on the back by his much-larger boyfriend. 

"Now, Noct. You've always been far better at upkeep than any might like to give you credit for. You at least bag up your mess even if you've not got the head to carry it to the bin." Hayden had always been scolded for going too easy on him, even though they were only a few years apart. 

He was a strong memory as well; a pair of daggers and fierce eyes the color of seafoam, though sometimes they were ruined by scars in his mind. That was a terrifying thing that a younger Hayden had had to assure him was nothing but a bad dream. And thus far—he was fine. Nothing more dangerous than the occasional climbing accident or tennis elbow. Noctis had lived with that encroaching dread, but he'd found that a bit of trust went a long way. 

"Yer always _babyin'_ him with that talk." It was like clockwork. 

Noctis rolled his eyes and slid his friend his coffee at the end of the corner as he fell into chatter with Selena, the veil of their waking identities replaced for the time being. Noctis turned and focused instead on cleaning up his station, a laugh still dancing in his eyes. 

They talked about getting together over the weekend like they always did, and while Zeke chatted with his sister, Hayden's expression grew more serious. He sat his coffee down and leaned in over the counter, glasses sliding down his nose a bit. 

"Have you made up with Jaye, yet?" The question felt like a needle, or a bucket of ice water or—both. He stopped what he was doing and tried to hide his clenching jaw. 

"Yeah... I guess." It was not exactly an accurate response. Noctis was reticent at best, but now he'd really clammed up. 

"Don't bloody lie to me," He reprimanded lowly. "I know for a fact the two of you haven't spoken since you broke it off." 

"Yeah well, it was a bad idea to try to date... like at all." Noctis responded coolly. 

"He's your best friend. I guarantee you he still is if you'll only give him the time of day. You know he's always thought he wasn't good enough for you." Hayden's stern expression matched the icy blue of his scarf, as though Noctis could feel it in a tangible manner—as if that imaginary ice water was still clinging to his clothes. 

"Yeah, well. I guess in the end I was the one who wasn't good enough for him." Noctis said quietly, aware that his sister and Zeke had both gone quiet to listen in. 

Jaye was the slender, freckled bundle of energy that had grown up next door to him. They had more or less grown up _together_ ; explored the horrors of gender and sexuality together and then finally decided to date. It had lasted for almost a year before Noctis called it off, feeling like he couldn't give Jaye enough to keep him happy and entertained. He was more and more emotionally withdrawn as of late, and It just wasn't fair. Not to mention he couldn't stand the puppy dog eyes when they were turned on him. They still kept up the veil of friendship for the sake of the group but only spoke to each other when they had to. Hayden was perceptive enough that it was probably wearing on him quite a bit. Details, details. 

"Talk to him, Noct." He sighed and nodded, just grateful that his birth name hadn't come out as a means of seriousness or persuasion. 

"Alright. I'll. Look, I'll try." He offered—and that was really all that someone like he could do. 

Luna followed him home to continue her plans for the evening. He'd agreed to meet one of her new friends, a woman studying abroad from Europe named Rosa. She was supposedly psychic which—honestly gave Noctis a bit of nerves, but he'd trust his sister's judgement. 

He kicked off his boots at the door and let Shadow welcome him home as usual with plenty of ear scratches to be doled out before he set to fliting about his apartment and trying to make it more presentable. In the end, he was never satisfied with it—he usually just waited until Hayden swung by and in a fit of rage, tidied it for him while complaining about how he wouldn't always be around to bail him out. 

After finally getting the throw pillows back to where they belonged and lighting some incense because evidently—everything smelled like dog—he collapsed on one end of the couch and begged Luna to call for take out. 

_"You still hate phones that much, don't you?"  
"Isn't it obvious?" _

Noctis had nearly worn a hole in his jeans picking at the knees by the time there was a knock on the door, and the mysterious Rosa came into his apartment. For some reason, the first thing he noticed was the flat-soled sandals she was wearing—all intricate crisscrossed leather over darkly painted toes. She was dressed from head to toe in matching black and gold. She wore a short skirt with a long, thin, cardigan that seemed a bit chilly for the weather—but it was probably colder where she was from at this time of year. 

Luna greeted her warmly with hugs and kisses and he immediately began to wonder just how much it was that she liked this woman. He couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy as they reunited as though they had known each other their whole lives, and as Rosa pushed her long, dark hair over one shoulder and entered the living room, he was sure he knew her from somewhere too though not nearly as clearly as some of the other memory flashes he'd get from time to time. 

"So, you're the wayward prince?" She asked Noctis with a wry, knowing smile as she took a seat near the coffee table. 

"Jeeze, how much did you tell her? She probably thinks I’m nuts." He complained, shooting his sister a scowl. 

When Rosa laughed, it was a sound like wind chimes. 

"You seek the Accursed, do you not? Ardyn—though that is not what he is called anymore, as you are not Noctis any longer." She raised a hand to stop him when he tried to protest. "I mean no harm; only that existences must be separated, even though your stubbornness allows you to live two lives at once, Majesty." She offered the title without any condescension, and it tore open an ulcer of homesickness in his gut. 

"Ardyn, yeah—that's what Luna- Erm- Selena said he was called. I couldn't remember but. I did remember... I. God it sounds dumb... like some action movie. I remember running him through. With a sword." 

He felt his sister watching him, her expression passive though he knew that that meant she was laser focused on everything at once. That was when she did her best sleuthing. 

"Aye. It was your role in that life to kill him. Well, it wasn't entirely fair. The only way to purge him and free him of his darkness was to sacrifice your own life. You perished together." It was slowly spoken, and she was obviously contemplating something, as though debating whether or not to tell him the next thing she spoke at all. 

"Noctis you **must** know. Ardyn killed Luna and tortured your friends. He is the Accursed, the embodiment of darkness." 

Noctis felt his lips part, jaw unhinging slightly as he tried to search for a rebuttal of some sort. He sank back into the cushions and hardly budged as the door was knocked on again, and Selena got up to retrieve their take out. 

"Why... do you keep calling him that? He—Look, I've known this memory my whole life. He smiled at me, and I remember feeling such sadness and. Compassion towards him. He promised to wait for me." 

He was afraid to feel his personal gnosis shaken by someone who spoke with such authority, though she made no move to override his own truth. This information seemed to ruffle her a bit, and she raised her perfectly groomed brows. 

"I... know nothing of this, Noctis." She said apologetically. Actually, she looked a bit startled at the information, and fell quiet for a moment before turning her attention to the food on the table. It was as though they were creatures out of time tasked with appearing as normal. In a way, that was without a doubt true. 

"He's telling the truth y'know," Luna said as she slurped at a mouthful of noodles. "Ever since we were little... He's had that same sort of certainty you seem to have, Rosa." She said, smiling. 

Rosa was starting in on an eggroll as she contemplated what she was being told. "So you say, I think that it is... perhaps you have personal information on this man that I did not." 

"I knew it! You were there too." Noctis said, eyes lighting up a bit. 

"Well, yes though I doubt in the capacity you might think," Her pale cheeks darkened with a blush. "I am known for my gifts in my home town. A village more like, for being close to the old Gods of my people. It is more accurate to say that I am in fact-- or once was-- one of them." 

"An Astral." Noctis knew the word; had written it in the margins of papers more than once. 

She nodded gently at that, but did not further elaborate. 

Rosa's words echoed in his mind long after their get-together had died down and the girls had left. He had laid in bed, Shadow curled against his side as he tried to envision what an Astral looked like—what a god in a woman's body would appear as. 

He was greeted in his sleep by fire for the first time since he was a child. It rose up around him, hot enough to singe the hair on his arms as someone called out to him, covered to put out the blaze. 

Noctis woke up shrieking—so much so that Shadow began to bark and guard the door as though there were an intruder, and he trembled staring into the darkness, certain that the devil himself might be there watching him from it. A peel of cool laughter wrapped in the crackle of static echoed in his head from that distant memory, though he did not know to whom it belonged. 

He was not himself at work, though he had gone back to sleep and managed to sleep until after one. A closing shift was still a closing shift, after all. 

By the time it was safe to start cleaning machines for the next day, he had broken a teapot and a saucer—already more blunders than he usually made in a whole month. His manager left him with a bit of concern when she finished her shift, but he assured her he'd be able to close on his own. 

With the smell of coffee clinging to his hair and dishwater to his apron, he had gone about doggedly cleaning the parts of the espresso machine if only to hasten the end of the shift. Nearly in tears in frustration with himself, he'd sunk heavily into a pit of self-loathing when a voice made him jump nearly out of his skin. 

He hadn't even heard anyone come in. 

"Pardon—a flat white, if you will? With an extra pump of hazelnut." 

The tiny tip of the steam wand flew out of his hands and into the sink. He scrambled as fast as he could—but just barely stopped it from going down the drain. 

"I—Um." He found inquisitive amber eyes staring at him from beneath a wide-brimmed hat, and his ability to do much of anything seemed to melt away with the realization of whose baleful eyes he was looking into. 

"Ardyn--" The word left him without thinking, and the young man wrinkled his nose a bit. 

"I really do think you've confused me with someone else. I'm—well, you're welcome to call me Max." 

Noctis thought the name so ill-fitting he nearly burst into laughter. He took a deep breath to calm himself and thought that well, Max here was a little bit... _strange_. Maybe even creepy in his earnestness—though he'd already gotten himself past that hurdle before ever meeting him. 

"Right, I um. Shit, Sorry. Your coffee. I'm gonna have to put this back together." He felt sheepish almost instantly, and started clumsily re-gathering everything only to have Max shake his head, causing his mane of auburn curls to bounce emphatically. 

Huh—he was a lot younger than he remembered though, that was another life after all. That would have to be something he made sense of later, if at all though he supposed reincarnation was not a science. 

"No—wait, it's. You're closing, no? Would you perhaps... join me for coffee at the diner on the corner?" Noctis' heart nearly pounded out of his chest at the query, and he was sure he was lightheaded enough to be woozy. 

He'd already done the moping and sweeping, and he looked the other man in the eye before giving a vigorous nod and turning to rush through his closing checklist. 

"I'd love to, Max. I haven't eaten yet anyway." He made the quip just to keep himself focused. 

"My treat. I must apologize for my behavior on the street the other day, you see—I've always had these strange dreams and, I know it sounds utterly mad but you really did just startle me. Perhaps reminded me of... something." He seemed truly apologetic, trying not to sound crazy. Noctis recognized it immediately. He did the same song and dance when trying to talk to new people. 

"No it's really not a big deal!" He said as he counted out the tips he'd be taking home to record them—had to do it three times over because he couldn't focus. 

Lights went out and he grabbed his keys to lock up as he gently ushered Max along. 

"I uh. Dreams, huh? I've always had weird dreams, too." It was a start. He glanced back and realized that he'd left the espresso machine's bin out but—oh well. He'd had to open for worse closes. 

"I assume most humans do," The man mused back at him, hands slipped into the deep pockets of his long coat. "But these are a bit out of the ordinary. More like memories. Full of fear and pain." 

"Do you. Know why I gave you that geode before?" Noctis asked as he had to pick up his pace to keep up with the taller man. 

"… You've seen it too. That _awful_ crystal." Max's voice dripped with dread, his soft lilt clouded by guilt. 

"Yeah. I've been obsessed with crystals my entire life because of it." 

"It was you. I've seen you devoured by that awful thing over and over in my dreams." Their voices dropped as Max held the door for him and they entered the twenty four hour diner's chrome and linoleum entryway. 

Once seated, the man ordered a coffee and some pastries while Noctis went for a sandwich. They picked at a plate of fried appetizers together as they talked, and it was as seamless as if they had known each other for years. The smell of stale coffee and deep fried food was a strange sort of ambiance, though fitting for the moment. 

"I don't really remember that part. I—But. Look, the last thing I remember? The first thing, I guess. You... I. It's--: 

"You soothed me. Told me to close my eyes. I think I was dying." The man mused, his sharp golden eyes swinging up from the table to capture Noctis in his gaze. 

"Yeah. And—you told me that you'd... wait for me." He said, voice cracking as he tore his eyes away and flushed. 

Max looked at his hands, and they were silent as their food arrived though—not in poor spirits. They were both quiet in thought for some time. 

"What can I call you?" He asked after a while. 

"Noctis." The name had instant impact, and Max's brow lifted as he simply said:

"Noct."

"That's right. You can call me that. I was... well, named Luke by my parents but. I **know** I'm Noctis." 

Max fell silent again then. "And that girl—she was the Oracle. Your girlfriend I suppose." 

He snorted into his iced tea and shook his head. "Oh. God, no. That's Selena. Or Luna if you're in the know. She's my sister." 

At that, he looked rather bemused, though a bit appeased as though he was pleasantly surprised. "How fitting... forced to live separated from each other and now, they live their whole lives long side by side. Fate has finally been kind." 

He took a deep breath and focused on is pastry for a few moments, puzzling over it all further as Noctis ate. "And you say I am Ardyn. If you're in the know, yes?" He seemed to play with the name on his tongue for a moment. 

Noctis had to pause, stunned by his grace and the tingling energy that his presence contained. It was hard to tell how much of it was simply the connection of knowing that this man was some huge part of his past and how much of it was from that very relationship. 

"And of fire. That crystal and fire you see, have haunted me my whole life long. I fear what I once was, Noct." 

Rosa's voice echoed in his head again. He had been the Accursed. Something she seemed wary of – or maybe even feared. But Noctis... he remembered only a dogged compassion and a hope for rest. They had finished their food and seemed to linger, taking as long as they could on those appetizers and their drinks so that they could talk. Every detail found itself in an echo chamber, from the beauty of the wild world they had come from to the terror of the gods' fate pronounced upon them. 

When they finally could stall no longer and Noctis was starting to yawn, he let Max take the bill and lead them out onto the street. 

"I would... appreciate the honor of your company again, dear Noctis." He said, as they meandered in the direction of his apartment. "And I—must ask. Do you live nearby?" 

Noctis nodded, yawning. "Yeah, in the brick apartments a couple blocks up." Max seemed to chew on that a while, and then reached into his coat pocket. 

From there, he extracted a fancy silver container that he popped open and sifted through several cards with information on them. He selected one from the back that contained no information other than a phone number. It became quickly evident from that alone that he was dealing with someone who probably held quite the cushioned place in high society, and he was nearly embarrassed to admit where he lived after all. 

He realized then that Max was looking at him with a good deal of concern. 

"Are you... quite alright Noct? You seem woozy. At least let me walk you home?" It wasn't exactly safe to let a stranger into his home but he wasn't feeling well at all, and it had all hit him while he sat there in the booth. He had been working an awful lot of shifts lately; maybe he was getting sick. A nightmare when he relied on his shitty income for virtually everything. 

"Yeah, s'right down here." And he began the trek down several city blocks, though he was beginning to wheeze half way there. Finally, Max had moved in closer to him, his hand against the small of Noctis' back though he only made contact when he bounced back into it, losing his balance. 

When they reached his building, he was leaning a good deal of weight on the taller man's side, and he let him lead him up the stairs to his apartment before fumbling with the keys to get in. Shadow ran to greet them, but balked and skidded on the kitchen floor at the last moment. He didn't seem to want to come anywhere near the stranger in his home, though he also made no move to protect his owner from him. Noctis would've thought it very odd indeed if he'd had the capacity to think. 

"Shit, sorry I'm kind of a mess." He half wondered if his drink had been drugged, but Max moved with the deft hands of someone who knew how to care for the ailing. 

He helped Noctis to bed and left him to change into his pajamas before he searched the kitchen and found a glass for water. He seemed to have raided the medicine cabinet only to find that it was virtually bare save for some basic ibuprofen and bandaids. 

"Take this, and drink all of this water. I fear you've come down with a fever and you'd do well to break it now." Noctis nodded, extending his trust once more. 

"I—yeah, thanks. Sorry, I--"   
"Shh. Do not apologize. Administering care to the ailing is my sworn duty." He said gently. 

"You were a healer, always Ardyn." Noctis couldn't think to say the other name.   
"Oh, if _only_ little prince. Shh. You sleep now, and call me when you feel up to it won't you? We have many mysteries to unravel together. Lock the door behind me. Be safe." 

A single kiss was pressed to his clammy forehead and then he was gone. Noctis did not remember to get up and lock the door, but he slept long and hard waking up well after noon the next day. He half thought that it was all a fever dream, until he staggered into the kitchen, still sick, to find a note in unknown but delicate hand writing prescribing a remedy for sore throat. 

He had finally met him, properly now—the man who he had tried to find for ages. Why were they the same age this time? And why did he seem so different? Without the imposing and vindictive aura that he was sure he had had—something removed, perhaps? Something missing. 

And maybe that was for the better. Noctis crawled back into bed and sent Luna a barrage of texts, trying to cover it all only to fall asleep again. Some things would never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you can tolerate my non-corrupted!Ardyn characterization. They have a ton of things to uncover and mysteries to solve. I also hope it's fun figuring out who in "Luke's" life is who! Don't worry, the 'darker' things are coming. This is just a prelude. 
> 
> Also, "Max" is only two years older than "Luke" is, and that's got a lot to do with my own personal theory about how reincarnation works. Since they died about the same time and had a strong connection, they were born about the same time.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this wrap up was really weak but hopefully chapter two will make up for it!


End file.
